After you get to know your partner better, you will soon realize that he is not perfect. He may have problems at work, with finances, and other issues. He could have alcohol or drug dependencies that compound his current difficulties. Being with a troubled man can take its toll on your relationship, but by the time you realize this, you may feel that it’s too late to extricate yourself from the situation, especially if you are in a committed partnership.
Saving a troubled man has been romanticized in movies, novels and societies for centuries. Many women also have an innate desire to help loved ones who run into trouble (it’s a girl thing!). It can be hard to look on and not help your spouse or partner through a crisis but it is also important to let him try to fix his own problems. The ironic thing about this is that trying to fix a broken man can lead to relationship breakdown.
Initially, you may feel good about the thought of being able to find a solution to your partner’s problems but it can also emasculate your husband or boyfriend leading to more male issues involving his pride and ego. If and when this happens, you can expect more arguments that worsen the situation. Displaced anger may occur when you become the easy and available target for your partner’s pain and frustration, even if you did not cause his unhappiness. In most cases of domestic violence, there is usually a partner in the relationship that “needs fixing”.
You may try to produce a solution by endlessly trying to do his bidding to please him. Sooner or later, you will run out of energy and patience, especially if he starts snapping at you or demanding more, never satisfied with whatever help you can give. Although you would like to stand by your man by doing anything and everything you can to help, it can be tiring and even unappreciated in the end.
There are many broken men in today’s society because men are taught they have to be tough at all times and not show emotion. When they are faced with a difficult problem that can be life-changing, they become lost and just don’t know what to do. Men do not know how to process grief, failure, and other emotional issues. Most men are clueless on how to heal or move on from these setbacks.
When you get into a muddled situation such as this, you will not be able to change or fix things, and end up hurting yourself in the process. Not being able to mend your man’s problems should not make you feel guilty or feel like you did not stand by your partner during trying times. You must remember that the predicament your husband or boyfriend is facing was not caused by you nor will you be able to mend it. Save yourself and your relationship by stepping back a little. Stepping back doesn’t mean you are giving up on your loved one. It is just necessary to avoid damaging the relationship further.
If your man compounds his problems with drug or alcohol abuse, you are no longer helping him, but setting yourself up for a disaster. You are not “standing by your man” if you continue to go through stress trying to help someone who is only making the situation worse with alcoholism and addiction. You cannot fix a damaged person because you are not a professional trained to fix an emotional wreck.
The only way you can support your troubled partner is to continue as you normally do. This still provides support. It is not the same as fixing his problems. Instead, persuade your partner to see a professional therapist. If he is in financial difficulty, suggest that he consult with a financial expert. If he is unhappy in his present job, encourage him to pursue other career avenues, but put a limit to your assistance.
You have a right to have peace of mind, and you won’t find it by over extending your help to an emotionally damaged man. If you feel that you are being taken for granted despite your support, it might be a good idea to give your man some space. Being in close proximity to a broken man, day in and day out can eventually destroy you too. He must respect your desire to be happy and he must fix himself at least for his sake and others close to him, if not for yours.